Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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