It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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