Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize