We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
