i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
now i know why i became what i already was.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
