so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
