i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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