these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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