Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
