Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
