I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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