Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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