Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
