u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
