Kiss
Puke
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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