i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
