is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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