Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is my gift to your gina
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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