she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm just crazy horny about you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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