the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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