Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
