I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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