you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So vagazzling was a success
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
