some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
did i just pee glitter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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