it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize