my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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