what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize