we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
