she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
