i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
