finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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