So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
