I feel great
I just peed on a car
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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