I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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