tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize