someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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