I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
