3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Pappa wants mamma naked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize