I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
