I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
