Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
