My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
