the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
