I heard we made out
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
