From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
