hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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