i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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