I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
