Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
