You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do herpes really smell.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am available for nakedness
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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