I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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