dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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