OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
