omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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