he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
