I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
