your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
