there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
