you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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