Umm I'm too high to move.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
