Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
