I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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