You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
More tranny stories later!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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