it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize