Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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