Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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