singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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