Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
