I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
