Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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